CATS THAT PLAYED THE MARKET, THE Read online

  Colleen’s mum stood up and said, “I’m Mrs. Murphy, but my friends call me Maggie.”

  Robbie moved to the delicate Belter chair he was determined to crush and sat down, while Lizard chose the velvet loveseat.

  Mrs. Murphy sat back down. “My daughter is in the kitchen makin’ tea. I think she flew to India to gather the leaves,” she said, amused, but with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

  Colleen came into the room holding a tray. “I heard that, Mum!” She set the tray on a marble-top coffee table.

  Robbie said, eyeing Colleen, “What a lovely daughter you have, Mrs. Murphy!”

  “Maggie,” Mrs. Murphy corrected. “Oh, please, you’ll give her a big head!”

  Katherine sat down next to Lizard. Not because she wanted to be close to her guest, but it was the best vantage point in the room to observe Iris and her possible stalking of the fox wrap. She didn’t trust her. She knew her. There might be trouble. She regretted not putting Iris up in her room.

  “Shall I pour?” Colleen said in a refined voice worthy of Downton Abby.

  “Yes, please,” Katherine said.

  “One lump or two,” Colleen said to Lizard.

  “Four lumps of sugar, no more, no less,” Lizard said joyfully.

  “None for me,” Robbie said. “Ladies, would you excuse me for a moment. Katz, where is your gentleman’s room?” he asked, standing up.

  Katherine pointed. “Go out those pocket doors through the dining room to the kitchen, then turn left.”

  Robbie walked out, the wood floorboards creaking beneath his every step. Mrs. Murphy passed around the tray with the scones.

  “Delicious,” Lizard said. “I’ll have to have this recipe.”

  “It’s a mix,” Colleen said and then countered, “Of course, I’ll write it out for you.”

  They heard loud voices from the kitchen.

  Katherine asked Colleen, “Who’s out there?”

  “Cokey just stopped by to pick up that defective microwave.”

  “Does anyone want cream in their tea?” Katherine asked, making an excuse. “I’ll go to the kitchen and get some,” she said, getting up.

  “Who needs cream when I’ve got something better,” Mum said, pulling out her silver flask.

  Lizard said, “Gimme a hit, too! Back in the day, I used to carry one in my stocking.”

  “Mum,” Colleen scolded. “You took that out of my bag!”

  Katherine stopped outside the kitchen door, and felt a little embarrassed about eavesdropping. Cokey sounded angry. Very angry. Robbie was trying to assure him about something, speaking in a calming voice.

  “You better wipe that shit-eatin’ grin off your face before I knock your lights out,” Cokey threatened. “I want my money back,” he demanded. “I haven’t seen any returns on my investment like you promised.”

  “You must be patient. This mutual fund makes distributions every three months. You haven’t given it enough time,” Robbie said in a quiet voice.

  “Yes, I have. That’s my kids’ college fund that your fancy friends in New York are playing with. I’ll be by your office later to sign whatever I need to sign and get out of that fund. Got it? Have the papers ready!” Cokey stormed out of the room. Katherine could hear him opening and slamming the door to the back stairs to the basement. She hurried to the living room — not wanting Robbie to see her — and sat back down. Her heart sank when she heard Cokey say he had invested his children’s college fund.

  Lizard was telling a story to Mrs. Murphy.

  “Where’s the cream?” Colleen whispered.

  “Oh, I changed my mind.”

  Lizard continued and said to Katherine, “Your great aunt was quite the lady, but did you know she had a lover?”

  Robbie came back into the room and admonished, “Mother, really. Katherine doesn’t want to hear that.”

  “No, actually I do.” Katherine leaned closer to Lizard to hear more.

  “Inquiring minds . . .” Colleen encouraged.

  “He was her chauffeur for a number of years. Everyone in town knew what was going on.”

  “What happened to him?” Katherine asked.

  “He died in the Battle of the Bulge — 1944, I believe. Orvenia was devastated.”

  “How tragic,” Katherine said.

  Lizard continued. “War hasn’t been kind to Orvenia or me. My husband — Robbie’s father — died in the Vietnam War. We’d only been married a few years. Robbie was a surprise baby. I was thirty-nine when I had him.”

  Doing the math in her head, Katherine blurted, “Was Robbie’s dad a general?”

  Lizard laughed. “He was a second lieutenant. You see, Katz, I preferred younger men. I was fourteen years older than Robert, Senior.”

  Katherine thought, Maybe son takes after his mother. Preferring younger partners.

  Colleen’s eyes suddenly widened as she looked past the house guests. She moved forward in her chair and began making hand gestures to Katherine. First, she made cat ears with her fingers, then the sign of pulling. She pointed at the chair where the Brentwoods had placed their coats. No one but Katherine noticed her pantomime.

  Katherine saw the fox wrap slowly slide off the chair. Scout and Abra were dragging it out of the room. She got up and quickly moved over to the site, but it was too late. Scout and Abra had the wrap in the atrium and were attacking the fox heads. Iris joined in. A wrestling match ensued. It wasn’t clear to whom the kill belonged. And then snarls, hissing and growling began.

  “Give it to me,” Katherine demanded. Scout and Abra both had the wrap in their teeth — tearing at it like a tug-of-war. “Now,” she said adamantly. She snatched the wrap away from the rowdy cats and slowly walked back into the living room. She felt all eyes upon her.

  “I’m so sorry,” she apologized to Lizard. She handed her the disheveled wrap.

  Robbie and Colleen burst out laughing.

  Lizard said, “Don’t worry, my dear. I’ve had that wrap forever and it has survived many battles.”

  Robbie glanced at his mother with a what did that mean expression.

  “Oh, a plague of moths one season!” Lizard laughed, then announced, “Son, I’ve grown very tired. I think it’s time to say thank you and good bye to our fine hosts.”

  Robbie walked over and took his mother by the hand. He helped her with her coat and ceremoniously wrapped the fur wrap around her neck. Walking out of the mansion, Lizard said to Katherine. “We’ll keep in touch. There is so much more I can tell you about your great aunt.” She winked and then left with her surprisingly quiet but attentive son.

  Before closing the door, Katherine did a quick look-see up and down Lincoln Street to make sure that PETA activists weren’t poised to launch a paint bomb attack on the unsuspecting couple. The street was empty. “Close call,” Katherine sighed and shut the door.

  Colleen said to her mum, “You shouldn’t have given her that booze! No wonder she was tired.”

  * * *

  The pink mansion’s back office and kitchen became the staging ground for the production of items to be sold at the fundraising event on the following Saturday. Colleen’s mum sat in front of a sewing machine, racing through yet another cat cozy blanket to sell at the Erie holiday event. Katherine and Colleen were in the kitchen icing cookies in the shape of cats —mostly headless.

  Katherine complained, “I don’t understand how this happened. Their heads were intact when I put them in the oven.”

  “I think we can just use icing to join them — like a decorative cat collar,” Colleen said with a grin.

  “How many more do we have to bake?” Katherine said counting them. “We’ve got four dozen right now, minus the ones you ate.”

  “Me! I only ate the tailless ones,” Colleen argued.

  Mrs. Murphy called into the room, “Hey, the two of you! I could use some help.”

  Colleen began laughing. She couldn’t stop. She sat back on the aluminum chair, tipped her head back and laughed more.
“Katz, this is a comedy act. Who will buy a headless cat cookie?”

  “I don’t know, but maybe we should put more flour in the next batch,” Katz said, determined to make the venture a success. Then she noticed her friend was using green icing to frost the cookies. “Carrot top, there’s no such thing as a green cat.”

  “Well, missy, I remember you saying I had creative license. So, bite the bullet. I choose the colors.”

  Mrs. Murphy yelled in, “Stop fussin’, you two. Katz, one of your cats is doin’ something to your computer.”

  Katherine dried her hands on her apron, and with Colleen, sprinted into the office.

  “What are you talking about?” Katherine asked. “I don’t see a cat.”

  “There was one a second ago. I was sewin’ to beat the band when I heard a clickin’ sound. I turned around and saw one of your cats sittin’ on the chair, pawin’ the mouse thing.”

  “Which one?” Katherine asked eagerly, thinking maybe she’d finally find out which feline was surfing the web.

  “Mum, which one?” Colleen seconded.

  Mrs. Murphy shrugged. “How am I supposed to know? It was a cat. I’ve got me readin’ glasses on. I’m as blind as a bat with distances.”

  “Okay, what color was the cat?” Katz prodded.

  “Gray, I think.”

  Katz and Colleen shared inquisitive glances. “Lilac? It’s possible,” Colleen noted. “I’ve seen her up here before.”

  Katherine countered, “I’ve seen all of them up here before. This isn’t evidence.”

  Looking at the monitor, Colleen said, “This doesn’t make any sense. Why would she surf up a movie review of Gosford Park. That’s an old movie.”

  Katherine hurried over and glanced at the screen. “The movie’s not that old,” and then to Mum, “No worries. My cats are always stepping on the mouse and conjuring up something.”

  Mrs. Murphy answered, “I just didn’t want any harm to come to your stuff. Now I’ve got seven more of these blasted things to sew. My eyes are crossed, and I’m ready to hit me bed for a nap.”

  Katherine and Colleen ignored her. “Maybe we should Netflix the movie and watch it tonight. It’s a Robert Altman film.”

  “I’ve seen it,” Colleen said. “I’ll give you a short review: weekend party at an upper-class estate in 1932. Head of the household is murdered. The police are baffled by whodunit.”

  Katherine laughed, “Cheater! You just read the review. That’s what it says.”

  “Girls!” Mrs. Murphy said. “Snap out of it! Colleen, you can cut, and Katz can pin. Get busy!”

  Colleen winked, then said to her mum. “All right, hand me the scissors.”

  Katherine said, “Let me finish in the kitchen, then I’ll be right back.” When she walked in the room, two very guilty brown-masked Siamese flew out. Abra was clutching a cookie in her jaws. Scout had one too.” “Dammit!” she said, turning the oven off and then chasing after the feline thieves.

  Mrs. Murphy and Colleen were laughing. Colleen pointed, “They went that way.”

  The front doorbell rang its festive greeting.

  “I’ll get it,” Katherine said, dashing out of the room.

  Opening the door, Katherine saw a woman in her twenties with long, blond hair and blue eyes. She was very sun-tanned and had a beautiful smile.

  “Hi, I’m Emily,” the girl said.

  “Robbie called and said you were coming. I’ll show you the living room, where the portraits are.”

  Emily brought in a large hard-shell camera case and a tripod. Lilac and Abby seemed to be very interested and followed them into the living room.

  Katherine said, “If you need anything, I’m in the back room.”

  It had only been a few minutes when Emily came back and said to Katherine, “I can’t get a good shot of your great uncle’s portrait.”

  “Why’s that?” Katherine asked.

  “Your cat — the one with the gray face and ears — waits for me to set up the shot, then zooms up to the fireplace mantel and pushes the portrait so it’s crooked.”

  Colleen put her hand over her mouth and suppressed a giggle.

  Katherine moved away from the cozy she was pinning and followed Emily back to the living room. Emily’s camera case was turned upside down, with various lenses and gadgets spilling out on the floor. Lilac and Abby sat on their window valance perch, eyeing the two humans with looks of complete innocence on their faces. Katherine knew better. One of them had rifled the case.

  Katherine explained, “I’m sorry, but my cat is too high for me to get without setting up a ladder. Maybe if I stay in the room you can get your shot. If it looks like she’s going to jump down, I’ll try to distract her.”

  Emily stooped down and righted the camera case. She began shoving the spilled items back into it. There was something missing, because she crawled around the floor looking under furniture.

  “Has something gone missing?” Katherine asked.

  “Ah, yes,” Emily said, getting up. “It’s not important. I think maybe I’d left it at home, and it wasn’t in the case after all.”

  “Just a second. My cats sometimes take things and hide them in their favorite chair. Let me look.” Katherine fell to her knees and felt inside the wingback chair. Lilac and Abby craned their necks to see. “I’m not finding anything. If something turns up, I’ll give you a call.”

  Emily gave a quick worried look, then looked at her camera’s viewing screen and took the shot without any more shenanigans from Lilac. When finished, she said, “I hope you’ll be pleased with what Robbie has done with your family’s display. It’s super cool.”

  “I can’t wait to see it. Are you going to attend the museum opening?”

  “Yes, of course, as Robbie’s date. Actually, if you can keep a secret, I think he’s going to announce our engagement. But look surprised when he does,” Emily said happily.

  “Where did you two meet?”

  “In Hawaii! My mom is a marine biologist and works in Chicago. She had a meeting in Hawaii and took me along. I’m so glad I went because at a cocktail party, I met Robbie. It was love at first sight. I thought he was so funny. He talked me into moving to Indiana.”

  Katherine wondered how Emily got a word in edgewise to even flirt with the loquacious Robbie, who was twice her age. Katherine said, “Congratulations. I wish the both of you much happiness.”

  After Emily finished putting her camera away, Katherine led her to the door. Scout walked in front of them and arched her back. Her fur was bristled and she gave a low growl. Then, she hopped up and down like a Halloween cat.

  “Scout, come here sweetie,” Katherine said, trying to pick up the cat, but she sped off to the dining room.

  “That cat is really scary!” Emily said guardedly.

  “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what got into her . . . ” Katherine suddenly felt a premonition that something wasn’t quite right. She worried for Emily. Opening the door, she said, “Be careful out there. The roads can be pretty slippery with all this snow.”

  “It was awesome to meet you. I’ll see you at the opening.” Emily smiled and walked to her car.

  Katherine closed the door and turned to find Scout. She called her name several times, but only Abra came. The Siamese was licking her chops. A small glob of green icing was on her lip. “Hey, my sweet girl. I hope you didn’t eat the entire cookie. Where’s your sister?” Katherine picked her up and wiped off the icing. She held her for a moment. “Raw,” Abra cried uneasily. She carried her to the kitchen where Scout was lapping up a drink of water. She set Abra down next to Scout.

  “Magic cat, is something going to happen to Emily?”

  Scout continued drinking, then looked up with a drop of water on her nose. “Ma-waugh,” she cried evasively.

  “Does that mean yes or no?”

  Scout sat up and stood tall on the ceramic-tiled floor. With the grace of a ballerina, she lifted her leg and started cleaning the inside of her toes. H
er eyes were deliberately crossed, in a deranged look. She seemed to enjoy darting her pink tongue in and out of her claws.

  “Okay, I take that as a no,” Katherine said, walking into the office to resume her sewing endeavor.

  Scout continued washing.

  Chapter Four

  Early Saturday morning, Jake drove to the pink mansion to help Katz, Colleen and Mrs. Murphy move their wares to the Erie annual holiday fundraiser. He drove his dad’s pickup truck with the extended cab. On Katherine’s lap, he placed the cat carrier containing a very happy Siamese. Lilac cried with excitement, knowing she was about to have an adventure. Scout, Abra, Iris and Abby looked outside the parlor window with great disdain. They wanted to go, too, but handling five hyperactive cats was too much. Arriving at the armory, the four got out of the truck and walked to the art deco style building. Jake carried the cat carrier.

  Katherine admired, “I love the yellow glazed tiles on the façade and the tiled roof. When was it built?”

  Jake answered, “1931. It was financed by WPA funds. It recently received a total rehab. Back in the nineties, it was a complete dump.”

  Walking inside, the group removed their coats and hung them on hooks outside the large, open room. Inside, a bank of tables was set up on a gleaming floor made of geometric-patterned tiles. The tall ceiling was curved, exposing the original roof trusses. The room was lined with two-story windows, which admitted a lot of light.

  Jake continued, “This used to be the drill hall where troops were trained, but now it’s used by the town for dances, weddings and seasonal events.”

  Michelle Pike bustled over, “Katz, hey!” She extended her hand to Mrs. Murphy, “You must be Colleen’s mom. “I’m Michelle. I’m so pleased to meet you. Hi, Colleen. Hope you’re enjoying your visit. Hey, Jake. Is this the cat?” she said, peering in and admiring Lilac.

  “Me-yowl” was Lilac’s loud reply.

  “Follow me, gang,” she directed. “I’ll show you where your table is.”

  The group followed Michelle. Each table was decorated with a holiday-themed tablecloth. Katherine admired the many vendors displaying their wares: homemade candles, soaps, and decorated Christmas ornaments.